The worries are there
but I am not sinking.
My belly is full
My heart content and joyful.
Its raining and all is well.
I don’t know what to write.
That’s not it.
I don’t want to sit down and write.
I didn’t sleep well.
I’m ready to go back to bed.
Today is my day off
I just want to rest.
I’ve been apathetic lately,
about so many things.
I want to sit and rest.
I want to be quiet and certain.
I don’t want to worry.
I don’t want to worry.
My heart races as I sit patiently.
I’m trying to breath regularly.
My eyes burn, but mostly the left one.
Hours of starting at a computer screen, that’s what I will say if they see me wiping away the wetness.
It’s important for me to stay strong, reliable, positive.
He is in another room.
Silly from pain medication and anxious nerves.
He is a sweet boy when he looks at me, “you are so beautiful.”
I don’t know what to think.
At first it was that I was too busy,
I thought I didn’t have anything to say.
Now, I’m just tired.
I’ve started to just go through the motions; sleep, eat, work.
I think we all do at a certain point.
Life gets more stressful than usual.
You keep moving forward
try to be positive, but there’s no answer.
It is so, so frustrating.
Wait, think positive thoughts, wait.
I didn’t want to post an update with only negative things happening so I will end by saying this.
Although I am incredibly stressed out, worried, anxious and frustrated by the things that I have no control over. I am still content. I am doing what I can and that is enough.
I have been thinking a lot about contentment lately.
We are bombarded from all sides.
Advertisements, the media, and social networking make us want more.
I am certainly not immune to that.
I see really cute posts on instagram of these adorable paper supplies that I love.
I see beautiful homes, designer clothes, amazing vacation retreats.
It makes me wonder.
Am I content with what I have?
We live in a rental.
We have a car with 200,000+ miles.
A cat that lives with with my Mom.
A job I love.
We are surrounded by family and friends who love and support us.
We do have a pile of medical bills that’s getting higher and higher…
I see a lot more good than bad in that list, don’t you?
True contentment is being happy with what you have and finding the joy that comes from every day life.
Sometimes it feels like your whole world is exploding.
Stress and anxiety are eating you up and it makes you crazy.
It feels like you’re being dragged under by the weight of it all.
It’s easy to let that happen.
In some situations, the only thing you really have any control over, is your attitude.
I think it’s a super power. A positive and joyful attitude is the key to contentment.
This doesn’t mean that I never succumb to the feelings of disappointment and fear.
I consciously try my best to keep site of the best in every situation.
Usually, I am very surprised at how many good things I end up writing down.
We have a true super power at our fingertips.
So here it is, I say, let’s try our best to spread joy and positivity to everyone.
You never know who needs a bit of happiness in their day.
What are some of the personal goals you would like to work on?
Next thing I know I’m making an ER root canal appointment, which I end up having to reschedule since I don’t have $1600 to hand over!
It’s the joys of dental work.
It’s been a rough little while due to that, but I’ve been looking on the bright side.
I have a great dentist who actually cares about their patients.
I’m pretty sure we’re gonna get secondary dental insurance and when we do… Root canal here I come!
I have watched a ton of Sailor Moon and Jane the Virgin 💕
While we save up and watch the clock, so to speak I am definitely scared. I have a really difficult time relinquishing control, so the dentist, the oral surgeon, they really scare me. I can’t do anything and I have no idea what they’re doing, and do I want to? No!
So, here’s to staying positive and joyful despite pain and discomfort!
How do you keep up with your writing goals despite problems with health?
I used to be obsessed with Red Bull, the energy drink. When I worked nights at the nursing home the caffeine and sugar helped me stay awake! I don’t even remember the last day I had one. I haven’t had one since I started working at my AAP!
My cat George lost one of his fangs when he was attacked by an animal while we lived in Colorado. His tongue hangs out from the missing tooth and makes him look kind of derpy now. He still looks as fierce and angry as ever when he stares at someone.
When I was in 6th grade my principle was moving on to a bigger and better job. We had a huge assembly with the whole school. I wrote a poem for her and sang it in front of everyone. I don’t remember the words or the melody, but I will always remember her smile.
Can you guess my lie?