Home At Last

I am so happy.
My husband and I finally found our own place.

It is a little trailer in a rural area of the city.
About 10 minutes further from anywhere we need to go and no internet.
I don’t really care about that.
We’ve been feeling the need to relax a bit more anyway.

It is a joy to clean my own little place.
I am still in awe that we have it.
It’s perfect for us.

We don’t mind living small.
It has all happened so quickly!
Thursday night we viewed the trailer and spoke with the landlord for about an hour. She was so nice. We spoke honestly and it was a great visit.

Travis called me Friday and said that she wanted us to meet her husband, did that mean we were approved? Yes!

There was a hesitation. We were waiting on our application for a beautiful 3 bedroom in the Joshua Tree area, but we really wanted to stay in the area with most of our family and friends.

We started moving in Saturday. Sunday was our first night in the trailer.

How amazing to drink my coffee in the morning!

I really can’t say how ecstatic and joyful I am.

The last year hasn’t been what I imagined I needed.
I strove to be content and happy with what I had.
It has made me so much more grateful for everything in my life.
I’ve realized that it has been a healing balm on my heart.

Gail, my amazing aunt has put up with Travis and I for almost a whole year.

There were times when I thought we would never find a rental.
Good things happen when you aren’t looking for them.
Well here we are.

All of my dreams have come true.


When You Need a Ray of Sunshine

coffee-386878_1920.jpgDo you ever have a hard time staying positive?

Today, not even this delicious, dark coffee helps.

I have a dentist appointment today.
It’s just a filling.
I don’t want to go.

I’m annoyed, nervous, upset.

I do have a plan.

Later, when I get home, I will watch Sailor Moon!
My pajamas are laid out and cozy blanket ready to cuddle.

For some reason it takes so long for me to figure it out.
Rather than moping, I need to write!
Even this little bit has helped me tremendously.

What do you do on days like this, when nothing seems to help your mood?

Rock Scrambling

We have been on the rental search for a long time.
You may have read my article about housing on the central coast.
It is only getting worse.

For those of you who know me personally, you’re probably wondering why we’ve made so many trips to the desert lately.

It’s really strange, but I think I’ve fallen in love.

We went out there for fun, to see if I might like it.

It’s beautiful.
There are long stretches of nothing.
Then, you see these huge rolling black mountains.
Rocks piled one on top of the other in a chaotic and perfect way.

Travis took me to the Indian Cove campground on our first trip.
We drove around looking at the camping spaces for a while.
I made him stop at a particularly wonderful clump of desert flowers that I liked.

He spent summers vacationing in Joshua Tree with his family.
They camped, climbed the rocks and hiked.
My family didn’t do anything like that.

“Lets climb that pile of rocks,” he said.

I looked at where he was pointing and my mouth just dropped.
I hadn’t even considered climbing these gigantic boulders!

I watched him scramble up the rocks.
Soon, I was hopping up after him.
I don’t even know when I decided to do it.

I had to stop several times.
I stared down at our little Toyota Camry that was growing smaller and smaller in the distance and breathed deeply.

I kept going.

We made it to the very top of that pile of rocks.
We could have kept going, but my legs had turned to jelly.

I couldn’t stand up at the top.
I had to crouch on my knees smiling like an idiot.
How exhilarating!






The Desert House


I awoke from a nightmare to the sound of knocking. My eyes were open wide as I tried to make sense of where we were. Pink carpet, the loud whir of the swamp cooler. The desert house. Ah, yes, we were at the desert house.

It had to be past midnight, so who could be at the door?

I lay there on the little futon stuffed in the corner of the den. My eyes unblinking and the blood rushing through my ears. I stared at where my husband lay on the couch diagonal to me. He was finally sleeping soundly, after a 6 hour stay in the ER overnight and a day of fitful rest he was sleeping at last.

I listened hard. It didn’t sound like someone was knocking on any of the doors now, maybe it was just my heart beating wildly within my chest that had woken me up.

Isn’t it strange how a nightmare will affect you in that way? I had never woken up like that, with a dream so real I had my fight or flight defense ready to go.

This weekend was hard. We came to the desert for a change of scenery so Trav could get some more work done. So we could do a little house hunting and have a work related getaway. We ended up getting a whole lot more than we bargained for.

The experience has taught me just how much I love him. I am not the type of person who likes to take charge. I go along with the other people and I follow instructions. When he was in terrible pain, more than I had ever seen him in (and he has a very high tolerance for pain) I knew I had to do something extreme. Either his appendix had burst or some other equally awful thing had happened!

It seriously took me a few hours to coax him from his curled up ball of pain to get dressed and get into the car so we could make the 11 minute trip to the Joshua Tree Emergency Room. We had only arrived about 30 minutes before he started feeling sick. I remembered seeing the Hospital on our way to the desert house, and thanks to modern technology I could tell him, “Only a few more minutes! We’re almost there!”

I will spare you the details. It was pretty terrifying, but I knew that I had to take care of him as best I could. I spent the night sitting next to his hospital bed as they put an IV in and gave him morphine, Zofran and saline. My poor guy. Turned out it was a really bad virus that was attacking his gastrointestinal system. I’ve never been so relieved that it was flu.

Well we are on our way back home. Well rested we are not, but ready to get back to the swing of things.

If You Could Thank one Person

I was asked this question:
If you were to tell one person “Thank You” for helping you become the person you are today, who would it be and what did they do?

I knew who it was immediately.

My Mom.
She taught me without words how to treat people.
I saw how she showed her love for family and friends.

It made me want to be just like her.

I saw her strength and courage through the hardships we faced together.
She always ensured that my sister, Elizabeth and I, were well taken care of.
Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I don’t thank her enough for helping me become who I am today.

When I was a little girl I told people that my Mom was my hero.

I still want to be just like her.

She embraced change because she had to.
She put the most important people first in her life and she was a fierce protector for us.
We always knew that everything would be alright.

I will always feel a swell of pride, intense love and wonder at the love my Mom shows me.

There is no way I can show how much I love and appreciate her.

For the Person Who Hates Change


I thrive on routine.

I think this is one of the reasons why change scares me so badly.

Despite my vile loathing of my schedule changing dramatically. I find that when circumstances need a change, I do it willingly as long as it will be best for Travis and I.

As I grow older, the years just seem to go by more and more quickly. I know that this is something most people do start to feel, once they are faced with “real life.” This happens after you start working full-time, when you start a family or even when you are in college (or sometimes even in high school). Time stars to pass so quickly that it is hard to do everything that you need to do in a day or a week or a month or even a year.

I used to think that I could create a plan, or a schedule, for a week and it could be the same for a whole year. I could expect the expected and it would be the best sort of normal routine.

Well that just doesn’t happen.

Even if you have a set schedule each week, you have so many other responsibilities that need time as well.

I do thrive on routine.
And yet I’ve discovered that the key to staying happy during a change in circumstances is to keep my eye simple.

When I am faced with a huge possible change, I am filled with an intense amount of anxiety, fear, hope and excitement.

For several weeks these kind of emotions have swirled around in my brain.
I am happy at the idea of moving to a new area, but I am also terrified.
I hate change!
So why am I looking forward to this?
Well, I’ll be with my sweetheart, Travis, and we will have our cat, George. It will be his third giant move in his little kitty life, but I know he’ll be fine.

Everything is up in the air right now. There are so many possibilities
I kind of feel like my heart is being stretched in so many directions.

I yearn for a cute place to call my own where Travis, George and I can just be so comfortable and happy.
My heart hurts to think of all the friends and family I will leave behind.
It’s like a war within myself.
The things I desperately want are tearing me apart.

The difficulty that comes with change reminds me of something very important that I learned from an older lady back in Colorado.
This was when we decided to come home to California back in 2014. I was saying goodbye, we both knew that we would probably never see one another again and I asked her, “How do you do it?”
She was so solemn and comforting.
She held my head in her hands and she smiled, “It’s life, my sweet, you move on, you meet new people. You will be fine.”

I knew that already.
I did; but it was another one of those moments that made my heart squeeze and tighten.
It’s one of the truths that we make ourselves blind to; life moves on.
We graduate high school (or college), we get married, we move, we start new and different jobs, we get older, our friends die, we live.

We live.

I don’t know what we will do yet, but I know that we will live.
We will be happy, despite whatever obstacles are thrown our way and we will do it with a positive joy!

What are you determined to do, despite any circumstances that might change in your life?

My Perfect Day


I was trying to think of what my perfect day would be. I realized that, I have my perfect day a lot. I want to drink coffee with my husband. I want to think about the good things in my life. The people who I love, my positive attitude. I think of all the wonderful possibilities and the lives I can change with a cheerful greeting and a happy smile.

Sometimes I over think things.

Okay, to be honest, I obsess over the anxieties and the worries that I have a lot. It’s something that I work on. I make a point to consciously think of a few things that I am thankful for and grateful for in my life. They don’t have to be huge, mind boggling things.

It could be as simple as waking up before my alarm clock.
Enjoying the soft light from the early morning sun filter in through the blinds.
Looking over at my husbands sleepy, squished face against his pillow.
A delicious, cup of double dark roast coffee from my favorite little café.
A bit of time to write my thoughts before I head to work.
A sweet text from my friend that always lifts my spirits.
These are the moments I cherish.
The small moments in a rushed day that can so often be overlooked.

Yes bad things do happen, even on a perfect day I might get horrible news.
My whole world can be shaken and I can become scared.

I am scared.
I don’t know what the future holds.

I look to those perfect moments. They hold me together, like the strongest bond. It is love, appreciation, and awe. I live every single day and I am so happy. I live. I love. I am.